I was coming home tonight and had Moriah in the backseat. We were going down a back road and my mind began to wonder….
“Baby boy should be with us…”
And a picture of his little face popped into my head…
…and I began to cry…
Flashback to two Sunday’s ago as Q and I were still trying to agree on a middle name for baby boy. I had written a name down during Sunday school and showed it to Q when we got in the car….Siloam.
“Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing.” – John 9:6-7
Q didn’t like the name and I pleaded my case! “But, it’s about salvation! How could you not like that name, we have said yes to adoption because of salvation!”
(Sidenote – I know the name doesn’t literally mean “salvation”, but when Jesus anointed his eyes, he was able to see, therefore he received salvation.)
Q still didn’t budge. He didn’t like the name…
Fast forward to today. The name Siloam has continued to stick with me and as we’re riding down this lonely back road, I’m crying. Crying for a little boy that I prayed for and anticipated raising in the fear and admonition of the Lord, so that one day he might be given the gift of salvation…
…a song comes on the CD I have in for Moriah…”Amen” by Seeds Family Worship…
“Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” -Revelation 7:10
And at that moment I knew that salvation (baby boy) belonged to the Lord and his salvation was up to Him. At that moment I knew that the Lord had him in the palm of His hand…I knew he was where he was intended to be from the foundation of the world…
I cried a little more and thanked Him for his wisdom and peace.
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OH WOW!!! I am soo sorry…..I just now caught up with your blog. My heart is literally breaking!!!! Having experienced loss ourselves….I remember those grief feelings. They come like a flood rushing toward me!
PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!! LIFTING YOU UP TO THE FATHER WHO HOLDS EVERYTHING IN HIS HANDS!!!!!!!!! PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!
Just beautiful.
Still aching for you, but thankful that God will day by day, bit by bit redeem your pain.
See Christie, God heard you crying and placed on your heart what you needed to know where baby boy was intended to be.