I’ve run into Moriah’s birthmothers Facebook page recently…
As of last night, her profile picture is of a picture of Moriah that we sent with her 3 month letter…
We signed an agreement saying that we would send pictures and a letter at 1, 3, 6, 9, 12, 18 months and once a year until she is 18…
We want to send these letters and pictures for her closure…
I’m not sure that I “agreed” to “flaunting” her pictures wherever she pleases…without our consent
And, I’m kind of wandering what agreement they made as far as pictures of my daughter are concerned…
Maybe I’m being over-protective…
Maybe I feel like my status as her mother is being “threatened”…
Maybe the way I’m feeling is completely sinful…
I would love your feedback on how I “should” be feeling, what I should do (if anything – btw – I’ve already called the attorney), and your thoughts on the “protection” we should have as adoptive parents to our children.
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NO, you are right. She does NOT have the right unless you give it to her to be sharing them anywhere on line. I’m sorry you are going through this. This is a very touchy thing in the adoption circle with closed vs. open adoptions. Praying for you and Q to have wisdom and discernment in how to handle this. One more reason I don’t like FB and how easy it is to access others private information!
HUGS!!!
Jill
We had issue with this with one of our daughter’s biological fathers. We felt that it was infringing on our child’s rights to privacy and that honestly, it was not dissimilar to a stranger using those pictures.
Yes, biological parents have a right to process the adoption however they need to and that may include having pictures of that child to remind others and themselves that yes, they are a parent even if their baby is far away. However, to me, that’s crossing a line.
Have you tried speaking to her directly or speaking to your adoption agency and letting them know that you’re uncomfortable with the photos being used in this way?
o my this post was meant for me! We are in the same situation we send monthly pics for 6 months and then pics till they are 16 every year. I looked at our Birth Mom’s facebook and saw her profile picture was the picture I mailed her. I don’t even know if everyone in her life knows she gave the kids up. I almost cried when I saw it. My husband and adoption worker said that the Birth Mom is just proud of her kids but it did totally bother me also. Yet I also felt guilty that it bothered me. It was just that I thought the pictures where for her to look at privately and now with all these public sights I feel that my kids will be recognized by all her family and friends if we ever run into someone. I would love this answer also and totally sympathize.
Praying for your attorney to have wisdom…..
Also, praying for peace for your heart. God is in control. God place Moriah in your arms to be her mommy and her family. Motherhood is not because of biological DNA….motherhood is earned from sacrificial love and daily devotion and care. Her biological mother gave her up out of one type of love. But God chose for her to be placed in your home. Trust Him in the small details, too. In this detail. He loves Moriah the most. He would do nothing to bring her harm – He does all to bring Him glory.
Praying for your heart to be at peace.
I dont know if I have a right to even offer an opinion here. But for what its worth. Your feelings are yours. The end. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. They are yours. Claim them and then pray hard about what your next step should be, then do it. If deep in your heart it hurts you and you feel it should be addressed, please speak up. Ive spent too many years doing what I thought everyone else wanted me to do and not listening to the still small voice inside. It gets you nowhere. 😉 hugs.
I think it just depends…..sometimes we think something is threatening….but it isn’t. 90% of birth families after the first 2 years do not really have anything to do with the children they gave into other families. And if they do it is minimal and that is a totally OPEN adoption.
JUST ME!!!! Because as Anna pointed out your feelings are your own. When we first started this process we were very overprotective of EVERYTHING! Then….after a while we learned that WE ARE THE FAMILY! We get ALL OF THEIR TIME, ALL OF THEIR LOVE, and there was no worries. Even with a birth family that has NOT been the best with what their responses are to us. I guess we figure- we don’t want to CUT OFF anything either because at some point there may be a reunion…..and we have to stand before our children, the birth family, and God and account to our actions. Protective or not.
I would just say all of this to say- IT IS YOUR LIFE, YOUR DAUGHTER!!! And everything is fresh and new for you right now. But think about what you want to do for the rest of her life and yours with your feelings. Are you ok with saying to her later – I didn’t want her to post pictures? Don’t think about the now part.
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS I AM SAYING YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is NOT what I am saying….just take time to pray about it, think about it, and of course know what the “options” are- if any.
Encouragement: We have adopted many different ways…..and we still send pics and letters at least twice a year…sometimes more. We have never regretted it. For them it is something they can treasure and they have told us this. We have lived in very close proximity to some birth families over the years too….and did not ever get them on our door step. It is a fear sometimes, but only that. It is very very heart wrenching for birth families in those first couple of yearsish…..I have no idea how they even manage- seriously!
Always available to talk if you want to just sound things out. 🙂
PRAYING for you because IT IS NEVER EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And please know there is NO JUDGMENT from me!!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Christie, I would feel the same way if our BM posted Z’s pics. I am worried about the boundaries being crossed here, and perhaps issues with facebook child predators… not trying to be “debbie downer” but you are her parents in every way that counts and you have the right to protect her!