I got in the car this morning around 6:30am, heading to the hospital to be with my family as my Dad had a surgical procedure today (keep him in your prayers), I turned on the local Christian radio station. Their topic this morning was, “How are you expecting to experience God in 2011?” I immediately felt a need to call and share our adoption story and where we are in the process. I fought the Lord for 10-15 minutes, insisting that I was not going to be on the radio! As I rounded the bend to get on the interstate, I started to dial the radio station as I prayed for the Lord to connect me if he wanted my story told. All it took was one ring, “Good Morning, what’s your name!?” I took a deep breath and shared our story and then she asked me, “What are you most looking forward to as a mom?” The tears began to flow as I said,
“It’s been a long journey and a dream of mine to raise a child in the Lord. As Christians, we have so much more than so many others do. I look forward to giving him something that so many other’s don’t have; hope in Christ. I’m confident that 2011 is the year that the Lord is going to bless us with a child.”
When I dialed that number this morning, I prayed for the Lord to use it for his will, purposes, and glory. Little did I know how I would need my own words later in the day…
This afternoon, 2 months of hope turned into sorrow as we learned that they didn’t choose us for “Little J”.
Many of you know the sense of loss we felt today. But, some of you don’t, and I’ll never be able to put into words the feeling of losing something you’ve never had!
Closing the decorated bedroom door – it just hurts too much to see! The house seems eerily silent; no little feet running through here anytime soon.
The thoughts of baking cookies, walking the dogs, going to the park, our first family vacation, sleepovers with PaPa and Granny, seeing my husband as a father…
The Lord says, “Not yet.” And we mourn because we wanted this to be His will.
So tonight I’ll rest in knowing that…
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5b
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I’m so sorry, Christie. I am mourning with you. Praying for you, friend!
I am so sorry! (We found out we were not chosen today as well). I know our situations are different, but please know I am here for you. I’ve been listening to the wishes for 2011 everyday. Sad that I missed yours. There is a child out there that is YOURS, and you ARE going to find that child. Take some time to mourn. Joy comes with the morning. 🙂
Christie, my heart breaks for you guys right now. I don’t know this pain you are experiencing, but I’ve known pain before and I know God heals. And I know He is standing with you right now. Always remember that He is the Lord, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13).
I’m sorry. No words can say what the heart feels for you. God’s ways are not our ways. Praying for you both.
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a child (that we never had) earlier this year and again this fall. It’s heartbreaking. Even though we knew God had bigger plans it was hard to let go of those that we had made.
I’m praying for you.
praying for you that God would give you your deepest desires.
Psalm 46:10….”Be still and know that He is God.” Be still and trust Him to work it all out.
I understand the loss of something you never had as we journeyed through the adoption process only to make it so far with the country changing rules as we were getting right up to the point of “matching”. Three families from our agency were affected…we were one of those three. Stamped “Rejected” – never to apply with that country again. One word changed the course of our path. One eight letter word. Yet God was in control of that word. We grieved. Deeply. It was a huge loss. And one that took us a while to understand because we knew that every step we had taken, every piece of paperwork we had completed, every meeting we had gone to – we had done it under the leading of the Holy Spirit.
So why would the Lord have us do all of that and pay all that money to not let the adoption be completed? There is a precious, sweet ending to this story. And it isn’t in our family, per se. See, there are some friends of ours who had buried their first child at 13 months due to genetic heart disease. Their second child had the same thing but survived the surgery. They did not have any more children because of the disease. But they watched our whole adoption process..and the Lord was stirring in their heart (unbeknownst to us at the time). Yep…they started the process from a different country…was matched with an infant and were supposed to get her home when she was between 6-9 months old. But due to court delays and paperwork issues, guess when the Lord placed that baby in their arms? yep, she was 13 months old. The same age as the baby that they buried. The Lord restored to them what they had lost. (She didn’t replace the first baby but you can understand what I am saying.). Now, why would I tell you this LONG story after this very sad day for you? To encourage you, my friend. GOD is IN CONTROL. I know you know that but I so want your heart to be encouraged and to know that HE is even working in the hearts and lives of other people that are watching you go through this that you don’t even know about. Our God is Awesome and has this planned much better than we ever could do on our own.
So I end this short novel the way I started….”Be still and know that He is God….”
Oh wow, I am truly so sorry. I will be praying for you as I head towards bed tonight. My heart aches for what I know you are going through.
I am so sorry!! ((hugs))
Hugs Christie – praying for you both as I go to sleep!
Love you!
Jill
awww friend I’m so sorry for your hurting heart tonight. hugs and prayers being sent your way right now!
first of all, praying for your dad!
secondly, i cannot imagine the loss yall feel. i am praying that you experience unexplainable joy in the morning.
our God is still good and I cannot wait to see what He has in store for yall!
Our hearts weep with you sweetie and wish there was SOMETHING that we could do to make you feel better. We put our faith and trust in the Lord and know that one day we will be celebrating. We love you both soooo much. Mom & dad
How awesome of you to share your story on the radio yesterday! I am certain that blessed someone who is in the same situation and waiting for their child. I am so sorry for the hurt you are experiencing. We got our first call yesterday about a possible “situation” and had to say no. We knew in our spirit that the baby was not our baby and the timing wasn’t His. It was a very difficult thing to do. But I know that God has in store for us (you and I and our families) something more wonderful than we can ever imagine. We could manipulate things and thwart His plan. Or we can wait on Him and His timing and believe in His plan. It’s not easy and I am so grateful that I have my adoption friends to encourage me through this. Adoption is not for the weak. It is an awesome gift for those who will remain strong in Him.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you feel, but I am praying for you. We know that His timing is always perfect, but it can be so hard to wait!
You already know that I understand & am hurting with you. Just wanted you to know that you were in my prayers each time I was up feeding Kendi. Love you bunches…
I am so sorry, Christie. I know you are going to have to grieve over this loss for some time. Love you…
My heart is breaking for you……Just know we are continuing on our knees in prayer for you. I am so sorry…..but there are no real words………PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
find me on FB, I would look but I don’t know your last name … mine is lindsay cotton