A young mom breezes into church with her immaculately dressed children in tow. Her hair is curled, her husband’s shirt ironed, she’s wearing heels and is fully capable of running after her children in them, is wearing the latest fashion while still being modest, she doesn’t look tired and her husband seems doting and involved.
I assume it’s because she is a miracle woman who has a meal in the crock pot ready when they get home, her house is clean, her beds are made, her windows washed…she’s got the life.
In one glance I sized her up and decided she’s got it all together and I don’t. I made a mental note to be on my guard around her. Somehow she’s better than me and I need to be offended.
I mean, who has time to curl their hair on a Sunday morning, anyway? Not me! I don’t even slap on makeup anymore. Waste of my time. I wonder how long it took her to put hers on.
“Humph,” I snoot at her in my heart.
Then God nudged me to talk to her.
What?! No way. I refuse to humiliate myself by being in her presence. Nope. Not doing it.
I refuse…
I refuse to…
I refuse to humiliate myself.
Long pause….
….humiliate myself….
Even longer pause…
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. WHOA.
“Halt. Stop. FREEZE!”, as I would holler at my kids.
What just happened?
What did I just allow myself to do?
I became offended in one second because someone looks like they might be doing better than me? And somehow that gives me grounds to get defensive and decide I don’t like her?
What is wrong with me?
I became offended and she never said a word.
I became offended and she doesn’t even know what she did.
Neither do I. She just showed her face.
I’ve been thinking a lot on how easily we become offended. It’s not just moms sizing each other up. It’s women doing womanhood in general. Be it in ministry, wifehood, or on the playground.
Here is a list of how we act toward each other:
- we snub each other,
- speak meanly to each other in the name of ‘speaking the truth in love’,
- then we gossip in the name of ‘I don’t want to gossip, but…’
- try to out do each other in home decorating, a.k.a. house porn,
- we become defensive at what people say,
- hurt at what they don’t say,
- indignant at what they do,
- disappointed at what they don’t do,
But, the bottom line is that ill warranted sensitivity makes it difficult for us to grow and mature spiritually.
#1. It shows we are proud and self absorbed.
King Nebuchadnezzar was a man feared and dreaded because he displayed qualities of self absorption. When his heart became arrogant and hardened with pride, he was removed from his throne and stripped of his glory. (Daniel 5:18-20)
May we never become known or dreaded for having selfish ambitions or tendencies. A haughty spirit goes before a fall. Where there is envy or any form of selfish ambition, there we will find a lack of peace and all kinds of dissension. (James 3:16) Let’s spare others and ourselves the pain and discord pride can bring.
#2. Being easily offended shows we do not trust God with His plan for our calling.
We do not have to be anxious that someone will steal our spot, or take our place, or do a better job at doing God’s calling on our life. No one can take our place in our life which God holds in His hand.
Rather, we need to be concerned about living out our calling for His honor and His glory. Then, when He finds us willing and diligent in the small things, He will reveal greater plans and purposes for us, matched with wisdom and strength to carry them out.
Until then, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6) And may one of those requests be that He help us trust Him and keep our minds stayed on Him so that He can keep us in His perfect peace. (Proverbs 16:3)
#3. Being easily offended carries the aloof exterior that holds an unteachable heart.
An unteachable heart…
May we never decide we are so righteous that we dare assume we are above reproof. Let’s not be like the offended brother of Proverbs 18:19, who is more unyielding than a fortified city.
When we allow ourselves to air on the side of our human tendencies we become unloving and uncaring towards others, disinterested in anyone but ourselves, unyielding to the calls to extend grace, build each other up and promote peace.
All because we sized up another woman and formed opinions against her.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just love each other?
May our prayer ever be: “Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:24-25) Search my heart first. Speak to my heart first. Teach my heart first. Because in that I will be able to keep Your interests first. In Christ, Amen.
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All true. Sometimes it’s just pride.
Yes, it is. Pride is such a debilitating disease of the soul. Thank you for reading, Lux. Blessings!
It’s my pleasure to read good articles like this.
This is awesome! I love the open, honest look that you provided for us.
One thing I do so that I don’t do this (and yes…i’m soooo tempted to) is that while waiting on church to start instead of putting my stuff down and sitting and looking at my phone etc, I’ll put my stuff down and then just go and start greeting everyone seated. I’ll shake their hands and just say good morning and if the conversation continues from there great. I try to speak to as many people as I can before the service starts.
Thanks for encouraging so many to step out of their comfort zone
@spreadingJOY
That is a really good idea! We are usually so busy shuffling kiddos from Sunday school to bathrooms to service that I rarely get time to purposely go greet people other than a quick hug or ‘hi’ in the bathroom or on the way to the sanctuary! lol That’ll change someday soon! I agree with you on the whole “don’t get out the phone” thing. Not to mention, it’s hard to approach someone who has their nose buried in one. Better to leave them in the car or at home.
Thank you for reading, Marie! Trusting all is well with you and yours!
Wow – great idea, Marie! What a beautiful, blessed, creative ministry. 🙂 Blessings!
I really needed to hear this. I’m so guilty of thinking the same way.
We do tend to snoot at people, don’t we? Often with out realizing. It helps me to focus on the fact that they have the same hurts, the same feelings, and probably the same struggle with comparison as I do. Let’s encourage and lift each other up according to how we would appreciate being encouraged. Thank you for reading, Rebecca!
Oh, we women are so good at this! I’m guilty, too!
Another thing we do is gossip in the name of sharing prayer requests (about other people, of course).
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve prayed for and mustered up the courage to get to know other women who seem to have it more together than I do. And you’re absolutely right, Kaylene. They share the same struggles. You really can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Oh, thats a painful one. But it happens a lot. So sad. Thank you for reading, Lynnae! I appreciate you!
Yes, me too. I’m guilty of this. Pride is such an ugly thing. You’re right. We need to bring this problem to God and ask for his help. I love the Psalm that you quoted with this.
That Psalm has been foremost in my mind for quite some time now. It has become daily prayer and God is teaching me so much through it. Love the power His word has to speak to us through the same verse in different situations. Thank you for stopping by, Dawn!
These words from your blog really struck me in the heart:
I became offended and she never said a word. I became offended and she doesn’t even know what she did. Neither do I. She just showed her face.
Wow! How easy it is sometimes to feel less than, without anyone intentionally causing it. We should remember that we are all precious in His sight.
Yes, we are, Lori! Far too often I judge superficially. Search my heart, oh God!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! You are appreciated!
Very insightful to the sin behind being offended. I was particularly convicted by your point that when we are easily offended, it is actually a lack of trust in the Lord for His plan for our lives. It seems so much of sin is rooted in lack of trust in the Lord or a reluctance to give up control of areas or circumstances in our lives.
Thank you for sharing.
Taking our eyes off Jesus will cause us to sink further into the deep waters of sin. The opposite of fear is trust. I find that so convicting many time. Thank you for stopping by, Karen.
This is really good and so true! I am so guilty of this! Always thinking everyone else has everything more together than I ever do therefore I can never let anyone too close. Thanx for showing me what it actually is.. pride and distrust in God!
I have long struggled with allowing people to get too close. I too am learning that sometimes it chalks up to pride. I love that you commented here, Erma! <3
Human nature is interesting; we are quick to make up our minds, think we know, and get in our own way (perhaps His, too – if it is possible!). I think we’ve all been on both sides of this. Thank goodness for His grace, patience & loving kindness!
↑↑ Amen! I believe we miss out on numerous blessings because we are too blinded our own will. Thank you for reading here, Amy!
It’s everywhere, too. In church, home, ministry, the grocery. Lord, have mercy. I especially am convicted by #2. The older I grow in ministry, the more I understand that being dissatisfied with where God has us is saying to God that we don’t trust Him to do what is best for us. May it never be!!!! Wonderful post, Kaylene.
I love this! I am a recovering easily offended woman and unfortunately can relate all too well! It’s only God that can change a heart and make us appreciate who He’s created us to be. When we embrace the talents He’s bestowed upon us, we can let down our guard and be more receptive to others. Great post!
Elia , I am guilty too after reading your article. Thank you for writing it. A blessing from you to another women to read it.
Your insight on being easily offended is so eye-opening! It seems to go hand in hand with jealousy? I was also thinking sometimes people who look very “put together” are deeply hurting behind closed doors in the home. There is such pressure to be Super Mom for a lot of women, depending on which circles they run in. If we could all view one another through God’s eyes, we all want the best for our families and to do the right thing, but self keeps getting in the way, argh! We are all sister’s in this battle of life and we should be covering one another’s backs and encouraging each other, rather than spending time out doing one another or tearing each other down. That’s just playing on the enemies team… I learned things I’d never thought of on your post! Thanks so much for sharing, Jeannie
Kaylene – What a wonderfully thought-provoking post! Thank you… I am sharing this.
It is amazing that our instinct is to judge, assume, and become so easily offended. You have given us the only answer, Kaylene, and that is seeking God above all else and examining the condition of our hearts. Thanks for the encouraging reminder. Blessings to you and yours, my friend.
This is such a huge issue! What a great post to read during Lent, thank you for sharing 🙂
I love how you say that we are offended just by “showing her face”. It’s true, we do that at times; just at a glance sometimes. I’m sorry to say I’ve done it before. Usually my train of thought is that she wouldn’t like me anyway, so it’s a protective thing. The truth of the matter is that she struggles too and probably desires to have someone love her.
Oh, ouch. This is meddlin’ truth, and I’m also guilty of the same irrational behavior. So often, when I’ve let the Holy Spirit do His override, I’ve found that behind that “perfect person” is a heart with my same insecurities. Today, you’ve challenged me to reach out from my self-protective shell.
Great post to encourage love in the sisterhood! Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays Kaylene.
Such a great post. And so true! Just thought you’d like to know that I linked to this post. I’m sure it will greatly help my readers!
Oh, you really opened a Pandora’s Box here, but it is true. You have also held up a mirror for us to look at and really look INTO. What do I see? Do I see myself looking in the way that is true, lovely and of a good report? Do I struggle so much with what I see in myself, the beauty I miss right in my own heart that He has transformed that I can’t see the gift of God in another heart?
Such depth here, Kaylene. Thank you for unraveling a topic us , God-Girls, really need to address. One place I find myself going, often, is asking Phil 4:8 about others and thinking on those things that I know are true,rather than what I suppose.
Blessings,
Dawn
Oh, I just loved this. It is so true. It stepped on my toes and I like getting my toes stepped on. It’s what I need!
Yes…we can get frustrated with someone when all they do is “show their face”. If we were on the other end of it (the one that just showed her face) we would want the benefit of the doubt!
Great reminders.
Love this very, very honest post! So often we allow our feelings, insecurities, pride, or fears lead us to act outisde of godliness. Thank you for sharing! Be blessed!
Very good article.. We do this here and there… Good reminder about our insecurities and pride. Sometimes we don’t want to give it to God..what would we do without our pride and insecurities.?
I love this post. We had a discussion at a staff meeting. Why don’t we just give up the right toto be offended? Easier said than done!♡
These behaviors are not about people who are “easily offended”, they are behaviors of mean-spirited bullies who justify their insecurity and jealousy with undeserved unfriendliness and meanness (a.k.a., hateful behavior). In a church environment, they are behaviors of people who don’t know (or follow) God’s Greatest Commandments as outlined by Jesus the Christ (Mark 12:30-31; Matthew 22:37-40 and more). These are behaviors of fleshy humans who drive true followers to other churches, to other bible studies or away from all congregations. This snarky behavior IS noticed by the ‘victims’ and is very hurtful! The ‘victims’ don’t want to go to church to confront the evil one in the next pew or row.. every week. The ‘victims’ will quit going to that environment. God sees this flight from bullying in His house and everywhere else; of course He does! God sees the hurt it causes in the ‘victim’. And… a little leaven spoils the WHOLE batch!
These behaviors violate God’s Greatest Commandments. Stop it and don’t promote it. Confront negative gossip with a positive comment about the ‘victims’… every time. Support God’s children. Ladies, GROW with God! He desires it, as it is written.
I suspect the source of this behavior is insecurity. A blog or 100 blogs about God’s many answers to insecurity and blogs to teach God’s Greatest Commandments would be helpful to cure the problem at the source. If every believer read Matthew 22:37-40 and concentrated on FOLLOWING those 4 verses alone for a full year, their insecurities would eventually go away (because you can’t truly Love anyone until you overcome insecurity). We are all flawed. Get over it, grow, and Love God. Love His children, His family. Follow His Greatest Commandments which incorporate all of His commands!