5 Reasons to Really Listen to Your Child
As a homeschooling mom to three children, I hear a lot of words throughout my day.
Can I get an amen?
(Side note: I wonder if there’s a formula for determining to what degree the words are multiplied when two of the children are girls…)
Words about friends.
And dreams.
And football.
And music.
And schoolwork.
And gross things.
And scary things.
And I have to be honest…
most of these words don’t matter much to me.
They don’t offer any value to my existence. They don’t answer any of my problems or ease any of my workload.
In fact, on my worst days, they can be one of my greatest annoyances.
Until I remember my own Father.
And how He attentively listens to me, His child.
“But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer.” (Psalm 66:19)
I mean, I certainly don’t share anything earth-shattering with Him. My words don’t add any value to His existence. They don’t enlighten Him or contribute to His understanding.
Yet He pays attention when I talk to Him.
Not because my words bear all that much significance.
But because I do.
If the God of all creation —
the One whose words bore the power of willing the entire universe into existence —
can condescend to devote His attention to my meager utterances, completely insignificant by comparison…
just because He loves me,
how much more should I stoop a mere few inches to the little faces of my children and really listen to the heart behind their words?
Here are a few reasons why it’s so important:
Listening communicates love and builds self-worth. I know this is true of myself, right? When my husband or friend takes time to listen attentively to me, I feel loved. I feel validated. I feel like I matter. This is no less true for my kids…and maybe even more so.
Listening lets me hear their hearts. Parents are urged to train up their children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). When my children speak, they’re sharing valuable information about what’s going on in their hearts — information which can and should guide me as I seek to train them.
Listening keeps them talking to me instead of someone else. Sometimes I just need to talk with someone. And if my #1 listener isn’t available or isn’t attentive, I just might try #2 or #3. It’s a high honor to be first on my kids’ list of listeners. And it bears many benefits, as it grants opportunities to respond with wisdom and truth. Wisdom and truth they might not hear if they take their conversations elsewhere.
Listening lays the foundation for our future relationship. The concerns on my children’s hearts right now are pretty minor…to me. But they’ll undoubtedly grow in significance as they mature. I want my teenagers to talk to me about their relationships, temptations, spiritual growth, and decisions. But if they’ve grown up knowing I’m not really listening to them, I’m pretty sure they won’t pick their teenage years to give me the benefit of the doubt.
Listening makes me more like my Father. And I kind of think if I could see parenthood from God’s perspective, that’s one of His primary goals. Because it’s not just about me raising children, helping them survive childhood and eventually grow up. It’s equally about me growing up in Him.
How do you make efforts to listen to your children? Please take a moment and share below!
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What a great post! I homeschooled our 3 children and, like you, had days when I felt bombarded by words! My husband would marvel because I got to the point that I could carry on separate conversations with all 3 at the same time. I can verify that listening to your children will help get you their hearts. Although my ‘baby’ is nearly 20, all 3 have never stopped talking to me about their day, their lives, etc. Even during their teen years (they were in public high school), they would come home and talk about their day with me. It is not unusual for my eldest to make me his companion, via phone, on his drive to work. It was an effort of will at times to make myself stop and listen, but I am reaping the rewards now! Thank you for the reminder that my Heavenly Father is just as eager, more so, to listen to me!!
Hi, Diane! Can I just tell you how much it means to hear your personal testimony as a mom of young adults? It gives me such hope for my future relationship with my own children — one I hope is based on two-way communication and mutual respect. Not to mention the common faith I pray we’ll share! I’m so grateful to you for your encouragement and for your example of a mom who has survived the trenches. 🙂
I love the conversations we have with our kids and you are absolutely correct! Just this one simple little thing will show them just how important they are. the upcoming generation is full of texts, 6 second videos and the like, so face to face time – listening will be a gift they treasure through out their life time.
You’re right, Marie! Devoted, attentive listening is perhaps more important than ever in this technology age. Thanks so much for reading!
I really enjoyed this – thanks for posting! It’s amazing what a listening ear can accomplish. 🙂
Hi, Amy! I’m glad this was a blessing to you 🙂
Wow, this is so convicting to me. I have 3 and 4 year old girls and they talk all. the. time. It’s exhausting really, but I’ve found that when I stop and listen, they’ll often give me a break afterwards because all they want is a little bit of my attention. Thank you for the great reminder!
I think you’re right, Jessica, and I’ve experienced the same. Our children crave our attention, and we’re all better off if we’re fully present with them, in body and in mind. One of my favorite quotes is: “Be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.” Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to share!
This is something I wish more Fathers knew. Women are always “listening” to their children. Many men are not good listeners, they are doers. So as the kids get older they talk to Dad less and less. Kids don’t often need to have great deep thoughts or conversations, but the do want to know that someone will listen when they do talk. Dad, take this to heart. Put down the paper, turn off the football, go outside and sit on the swing next to your kid and talk with them, and listen well. Someday you may want to talk to them and they won’t be used to it.
Wise words for dads, Cindy! Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
Another excellent post, Jennifer. I try to put down what I’m doing and look my kids in the eye. So true that it’s hard for a kid to have self esteem if his mom doesn’t listen to him. So basic! (So hard to do on our busy days.) Thanks for the encouragement!
You’re right, Besty – it IS basic, isn’t it? Yet I find that for me, it so often it requires intention. Thank you for reading, and for relating with me here!