Forever is a Long Time: Instilling Confidence in a Child’s History of Hurt

Older Child Adoption

We walked through the store. Filling the cart with brightly colored packages. Happily crossing items of my list. M skipped and sang his way through the store, next to me. My hand was on a can of tomatoes. “Momma? Will you always be with me?” “Always be with you for what?” I asked, the meaning of his words lost amidst the whirl of numbers in my head. “Will you ever leave me?” He tried again. I stopped. “What do you mean? Why would I leave you?” “Well you know. Like in that story. Christian’s mom leaves him…would you leave me to be in the celestial city?” Understanding came. We had just read Little Pilgrim’s Progress. I hadn’t seen this coming. “Oh no bud. I will never leave you!” Knees bent I looked in his eyes, “I will never leave you.” He stared at me. Measuring my words. “Really?” I pulled him close, “I will not leave you. Anywhere I go, I will take you.”  He smiled all trace of concern gone from his eyes, “Ok.” With that “ok” he moved on. Skipping and singing again.

The day’s events played through my head. I thought of his question. Wondering, not for the first time, when he will know. When he won’t have to ask. When forever will sink into his heart like an anchor, rooting in his soul. Experts say the magical number is eleven. I have learned there are no such thing as magical numbers. If only there were magical numbers. But no.  Just repetition after repetition after repetition. There is comfort in repetition. There is security in knowing that today will be the same as yesterday and the day before that. So that is the way our days will go. Sometimes mindless repetition. But always consistent. Always reminding that love abounds. It covers and comforts. Never fails.  

Confidence in forever is slow. There is no poof and then it’s done. It is daily work. Difficult. Sometimes satisfying. But always daily.
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    • says

      Yes it is. Especially when they haven’t had anything to trust in before. The key for us has been living on repeat. We do and say the same things every single day. What do you find works for you?

  1. says

    I agree repetition is key. You really feel good when you see your child demonstrating to you what you have taught. That is music to your ears. By the grace of God, you must be doing some things right.

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